Bad mother?

By 6 PM, I want to be done with the kids.

By this time, I've usually had 10 1/2 to 11 hours with no break, not to mention the sleep deprivation of getting up every 3 hours with Finn at night.

Does it make me a bad person to feel absolutely fed up when the girls won't eat, or fight in the bath, or melt down when we comb their hair?

Am I a bad mommy if the baby starts to cry and I just look at him for a minute instead of picking him up to soothe him?

Is it terrible that I want to roll my eyes at statements like, "Why do you spend so much more time with Finn than with me?" when I have to change his diaper after reading to the girls for 20 minutes.

I'm not talking losing my temper or harming the kids in any way...it's more that I just stare at them blankly, with no more reserves to handle yet another "mini-crisis", while dreaming of just leaving, just going away somewhere without all the responsibility.

I'm fortunate that, most of the time, my husband is here to help. But he usually waits to respond, letting me step in first and then backing me up. So if I don't react, the kids' emotions tend to escalate and then it takes that much longer to calm them. So I don't wait for him to step in first, because I don't want what amounts to extra work.

I know that I'm lucky to have my kids. I read the blogs about infertility and cry for their frustration and heartbreak, and then I hug my little ones extra tight. I just needed to vent...